On Sunday I started a new course, it's about business plans for self employed artists, which is a bit of a revelation- as I'm sure most of us don't even have business plans. I had to come up with a vision statement- for myself and my art- which is something that I would never have done otherwise. It's amazing to clarify your purpose, dreams or goals in that way, for anyone, but I think we hold an aura around art making that makes it seem as though it should happen without goals, or in spite of them maybe.
At any rate, thinking about what I want to accomplish with my art in a broader sense- beyond just 'make the next piece of work- and hopefully make it good' is something I've never really done. I feel as though when it comes to art making I'm always plodding along staring at my feet trying so hard to just put one foot in front of the other, without really looking at a map. But now this course is making me chart the way, and I feel as though I'm looking up- stretching my back and shading my eyes to see where I'm actually going.
It's a revelation, but not an easy one, so much introspection takes work, and doing that much introspection with a room full of strangers is even tougher. Sunday I felt elated- Monday I felt drained, made worse by the stress of leaving N and K alone together for the longest time yet- 7:30 am to 6:00 pm with- no breast milk !!! I was super wound up about this- even though K assured me it would be fine, I was worried, and yet it was fine- despite the bout of tears and the tiny snow boots held up to me while I was leaving they were fine- great actually- I was greeted by a clean kitchen and supper on the stove, and while N was having a good long milk session, I was even brought a beer by my handsome husband.
The next morning I picked up the camera to take a few pictures, and I found these photos of N, taken by her Dada, and was struck by the extremes it is possible to experience in one day, and how lucky we are to have them.