Twenty Nine

I am 29 today, (just writing that made a little bit of sweat break out on my upper lip), I'm not usually maudlin about birthdays but this one is a bit tough, I feel like I should be a grown up by now- and in a lot of ways I am one ( mom? check, homeowner? check, degree? check, responsible? check), but I'm also not quite what I thought a grown up would be. I didn't expect to feel so much the same, so much just like me- and then I'm not so surprised as well- who else would I be?

I am aware that evaluating oneself on one's birthday is a bit trite, but it also seems to be inescapable, for some reason. And even though I'm admittedly, no questions asked a Grown Up Lady, ( I suppose I have the right to be flattered instead of insulted when I get carded now? am I old enough for that yet?), I find that I've spent most of this year reconnecting with the girl I was as a child- helping to get back in touch with what I loved about myself as a kid.

This year I did the Artists' Way, and I took part in workshops designed to make artists better at running their own businesses, and I loved them both probably because they asked things like "what did you love to eat as a kid?" and "what qualities do you love about your 10 yr old self?".  I think that's it's amazing how those things remind you of who you are, and who you wanted to be- when you were just you- not the responsible version of 'adult' you.

So now today I find ,myself thinking "what would my  10 yr old self think of my 29 yr old self?". And when I ask that I feel like I'm doing okay- I'm pretty sure my 10 yr old self would aspire to be like 29 yr old self. She would look up to this 'grown up lady'- maybe she'd wish that she had a few more animals around, and possibly wear a bit more trendy clothes, but otherwise- I think she'd say I was not too bad, maybe even a bit of a role model.  And really, despite all of the things that I wish I was better at- or that I aspire to that I haven't quite gotten around to yet, what more can I ask for than that?

(the drink above is what I'm going to enjoy tonight- my new favorite summer cocktail-a Honeysuckle Lemon Balm. mix equal parts White rum, with Lemon juice and a simple syrup made of Honey, add muddled mint or lemon balm leaves, and lots of ice- garnish with lemon slices)