We are attachment parents- though I don't always use these methods-(it makes sense for me to use a stroller sometimes), but it seems like attachment parenting is what I would do naturally, reading about atachment parenting is like getting advice from a more experienced version of myself.Anyways the result of this is, somewhat predictably, that N and I are attached-seriously-attached. It's not a big deal when we're at home- Dada is also an acceptable cuddler for the babe- but when things or people are new this girl wants her Mama to be within arm's reach. It can be a bit vexing as people will either reassure me of how normal she is to act this way (as if I'm worried about it, which I'm not, my girl has a wide independent streak in her, just not around strangers), or try to force her to be okay with being away from me (in the "oh you don't need your Mama" vein of persuasion, which rarely works, and breaks my heart every time I hear it).
The most reassuring thing happened when my nieces were out visiting- if N would cry or get 'sadface' while the girls were playing with her- the youngest girl would say "I think she wants you" to me. It was so simple and true, and refreshing, with no judgement behind it-which is rare when it comes to parenting advice.
One of the ideas of Attachment parenting that sold me on the concept was that you know best what works for your child- that listening to your child and ignoring the advice that doesn't work for your family is the best way to parent. It seems easy enough except that parenting advice doesn't always come in books that you can choose not to read, most of it comes from people you know- who only want the best for you, and that makes it harder to push aside.
Just imagine what a parenting book would be like if written by a child- surely it would contain the other phrase my neice said to me: "I think she just wants milk from your breast now".
We are still practising attachment parenting, however interpretive. Like not signing them up for lessons they don't ask for...or not sending them to a camp in the summer...we find it challenging to send them to their grandparents for more than three days! In fact, I can count on one hand, the number of times we've had a teenaged babysitter in 10 years' times.
ReplyDeleteMaybe that's not attachment parenting after all. Maybe it's guilty parenting. I feel like it's not a parenting method, but a way to feel less guilty for being working parents. We spend time with them, and we nurture them closely, because 10 hours of the day, they are in care with other adults.
On the other hand, they demonstrate wisdom beyond their years on a semi-regular basis. We are very proud of these children. And maybe I'm naive, but I fully expect them to leave our house when they are prepared to leave. Not breaking free of a cocoon, naked and wet, but fully-equipped for a pioneering journey to a new frontier, ready to break ground in the future.
Here's hoping, anyways.
I think that's a big part of parenting today- that you 'make up' for the time you have to be away from your kids, I think that practices like co-sleeping and night-time parenting provide a much needed chance to cuddle and catch moments that might otherwise be missed by being at work. Making the most of the time you do have with your kids.
ReplyDeleteI do think your girls are a product of your gentle parenting, and a great example at that!